Nothing

Does learning ever make you feel...stupid?

Tonight is one of those nights where I am absolutely floored at how little I know. Where my own ignorance and arrogance has come to stare me in the face and remind me that for as much as I have learned and as much as I have grown in my nearly 29 years of existences: all of my understanding is nothing.

Nothing.

Some days I really think that there is no knowledge superior to kindness. That no amount of intellect can trump humanity. That the only thing worth knowing is compassion.

And that, my friends, is an area in which I suffer desperately. I have a friendly demeanor. I'm outgoing and, for the most part, easy to get along with. But being gregarious does not make one a good person or good friend. Some days I shudder to think what lies beneath my own smile. All the muck and mire of being a fragile human. All the stink and mess of dealing with myself and dealing with others.

Tonight I am grateful that 29 is still young. That I hopefully will have years and years to truly become kind and honest and worthy of all the love and blessings I have received. (And I know grace means that I don’t have to earn those things. This is more about being able to face myself in the mirror.) Tonight I am grateful tomorrow is a new day.