lucky

i'm thirty five weeks pregnant today. five weeks until the due date. two weeks until i'm officially considered "full term." one week until mom gets here.

i'm nervous and excited and scared and ready and completely NOT ready all at the same time. a friend of mine has loaned me a book about childbirth which has lots of encouraging stories in it. i'm actually a little surprised that i'm reading it, since i NEVER read books on loan from friends. but for the first time, i've started to realized i CAN do this.

well, for one thing, i HAVE to do this. no going back now!

but, when you stop to think of all the ways your body prepares for this moment, all the ways in which it makes way for this baby to come out and the baby prepares for that journey, it's really amazing. my body was made to do this. i've taken to patting my belly and telling Caleb that we can do this together. that all he has to do is get in the best position possible and i'll do everything i can to make it the easiest journey out possible. we're in this together, i tell him.
i can't wait to meet him!

i'm feeling SUPER pregnant this week. large, clumsy and uncomfortable. i tried to chase my dogs around the park the other day, and i'm sure i looked like a lumbering elephant. after about one minute, i was exhausted. i really hate the two flights of stairs in our three story town house right now. HATE them. and i really wish i had a doggy door for the dogs to let themselves out.

my sleep is back to it's bizarre state of constant interruption that it was before i was pregnant. between frequent bathroom trips and a resurgence of old skool kelly dreams, i have been waking up more times than i care to admit. last night i woke up at least three times to address people in my dreams. i even turned on my bedside lamp to help one of the people in my dreams find something in my room. i woke up two hours later with the light still on. i don't know if they ever found what they were looking for.

next friday is my last day of work. i've decided not to return to work right away. maybe some time next year. we'll see. on the one hand, who doesn't look forward to a final day of work every time the alarm goes off in the morning? on the other hand, i like the routine and the income and i'll miss my coworkers. it's strange to not know when i'll ever get a paycheck again. i like contributing to our income.

so here we are, not too far from the finish line. i can't believe how close it is already and how many changes my body and this baby have gone through. i can't believe i've housed a growing human for thirty five weeks in my womb. i can't believe that soon i'll get to see his tiny face and hold him in my arms. i can't believe i'll be responsible for making him the best possible Caleb Kazmierski.

i can't believe how lucky i am.